expotition

Matthew 6:30-34

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Excerpt from The Message, Bible


There are times when I find myself taking a step back and reevaluating where life has taken me. What I can improve on, what is working and what is not doing so well. Since being on summer break I have realized that there is a reason, a very good reason, why God decided to rest as He made the universe.

Rest. The need to rest and relax. To fill your soul and heart with calm and peace and for once, take a break from the business of life. A time to retreat.

This one day of rest was what I lacked during the school year. Every day of the week something had to be done. Whether it was work or school, I could never fully retreat and just rest. By the end of the year I became a robot. Unhappy with life, unhappy with myself.

I have decided to take a break from school and take back what I need the most. My day of rest that God has graciously given to me, because He knew the importance and necessity of it. Screw my three year/five year plan. God will handle it.

freedom

I am currently in a standstill in my life.


And I'm hating every moment of it.
Wasn't this supposed to be MY year?


There are a lot of ifs and buts swarming my head. I have yet to grab some composure to sort it all out. I recently moved back home after realizing how much money was being thrown away. With all the work and school that consumed my life, having my own place did not seem financially sound. Since then I have been able to pay large sums of money each month with the hope of being debt free in three years. As of late not a day has gone by that I have not thought about moving out (again). There was something about living on my own that was incredibly satisfying. It may have cost about $750/month but knowing that I played by my own rules was worth it. It paid for my freedom.

It is eating me alive. I do not feel comfortable at "home". All I ever want to do is leave. If I am not at home I am in LA, staying away for as long as possible. But then there is this guilt that eats away at me for leaving my siblings by themselves. They try to reassure me that they are okay, that they are used to it; but why should anybody have to be used to that?

What am I doing with my life? How many more years will it be until I pursue medicine? Once accepted, then what? How will I be able to support myself as a full time student? When will I get married? Kids? Finish school? Pay off loans? I want to move. I don't want to move. I hate work. I love work. I don't ever want to go back to work.

I want out.

big baby

Every day so far of this week, I have cried. This week has actually been good! I finally got my first A in the whole quarter and am officially done with BIO 111-113 lab! One week from today I will be officially done with my first year of prerequisites.

Can you say, yay?

The crying, unfortunately, has come from watching reality tv shows. Specifically, tough love couples. The season has finally come to an end and it was at the end that each couple had to decide whether they would break up or get engaged. It was nice to see the couples grow and progress to (hopefully) engagement and a lifetime together. Hearing the promises and seeing how much each couple had grown made me cry like a little baby. In my defense, they were tears of joy! I am sure glad the season is over for now, but I cannot wait for the next season to come. I guess I will be saving my tears for next time.

VH1: Tough love couples Do it to it.

alone again.

light at the end of the tunnel

I previously posted of how chemistry had become much too difficult and a withdrawal from the class was in pursuit. However, as of recent events, that has changed. In speaking with the professor about my current situation, he refused to provide his signature until I spent one more day to contemplate my decision. I think I spent a good half an hour arguing my position but in the end my professor had won.

The first biology test of the quarter was returned to the students today. After lab, I proceeded to speak to my professor about my poorly done exam. He asked what happened. I hate giving excuses. Life will always be there to throw you lemons and you just have to make do with them. I explained how I was sick the week before the exam and fell behind in everything. I felt convinced that he was going to tell me to drop. To my surprise, he also told me to continue but to keep in touch with him.

Today I wanted to cry tears of joy. It seems like everyone else believes in me except myself. What happened? It is the end of the road and I am exhausted. But now I must prove to myself and my professors that I can do it! Half of the quarter is left!

When all seems lost, I always seem to find a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Praise God! Thank you to the professors who haven't lost hope in their students, even when they feel that there is nothing left to do. Thank you to my friends who continually support me as I struggle to complete the first year of many. You are the reasons why I persevere.

a little bit country

As of late, I have been listening to country music. More like pop/country. But still.

Whenever I am not feeling so great I like to purchase items from itunes. Not shoes or clothes but music. It is kind of a weird habit of mine. Last week I purchased the new Lady Antebellum album, Need You Now, and it is amazing!

Something about country music relaxes me. I think there is a little country girl living inside of me. But that is okay with me. She can stay.

In other news I am stuck at home with strep throat. How boring. I have been unproductive for the past two days! I have no energy and eating/drinking totally sucks what is left of the energy that is already lacking. Today I sat on the couch and did absolutely nothing. So if you were wondering how my running ambitions have been going, they have not, for obvious reasons. Hopefully training can resume next week.

I need to focus on getting rid of this illness. Antibiotics were started today and is only a 5 day course. Minor side effect- loose stools. They weren't lying, that's for sure.

26.21875 miles

I have decided that my new goal is to run a marathon. And in case you did not know, a marathon consists of 26.2 miles (26.21875 miles to be exact).

The internet has been a wonderful source as to how training should occur. I am currently following this guide.

26 weeks. 26 miles. Challenge accepted! Stay tuned as I update on my progress (or lack thereof).

Ready? Set. RUN.

mush

that is what has become of my brain.

emotions

I am currently trying to study for my bio lab final that is tomorrow. That is obviously not happening.

Going back to a previous post, it was mentioned that when watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, I cry.

This show is hardly watched because-
a) I don't like crying and
b) I feel like a wuss

Thus, I spend my time with shows that are not so stimulating to the brain (ex: Keeping Up with the Kardashians). In fact, I am pretty sure brain cells have been lost by the end of the episode.

Watching people show their true emotions on television (and real life) goes straight to my heart. I can't take it. Something just breaks down inside of me and the tears start to well in my eyes.

Casey proposes to Amy from One Small Instrument Pictures on Vimeo.

Love. So much love. Words cannot be heard but the expressions on their face give it all away. (Just in case you were wondering but you probably already knew, YES, this made me cry.)

Show me handsome

Oh Jimmy.

Ten

1. I hate socks. More specifically, I hate wearing socks at home. Socks make me feel confined. My Mom loves to lecture about how not wearing socks on a cold surface can (and will) lead to varicose veins. Thanks for the advice, Mom, but I went to nursing school.

2. I am easily bored with my hair. The current plan is to grow it out. Bleh.

3. Trash television is my favorite. Some of my favorite shows include The Hills, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, etc.

4. Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry. Every. Single. Time.

5. I have a love/hate relationship with running. There is nothing like a good run. I do not have a destination or goal. I just run, to run. The problem is after forty five minutes (or even sooner when I interval train), flatulence and indigestion sets in. Does anybody else have this issue? It just makes me want to run... straight to the bathroom! So here's a tip- don't run behind me. You have been warned.

6. I love getting into a car after it has been sitting in the sun for a couple of hours. The hotter the better. Leather seats? Bonus points. Cold weather is not my friend.

7. Top three celebrities I would do
1) Gabriel Aubry
2) Ryan Reynolds
3) David Beckham
... in no particular order.

8. Lent 2010. No dairy. What a horrible thing to give up. There is dairy in everything!

9. I have a tattoo. It all started last year during my 23rd birthday weekend in Vegas. The night before we headed to Vegas, we joked about how we should get tattoos IN Vegas to make it one hell of a trip. I got the tattoo a couple weeks after I got back from Vegas. Worst two minutes of my life. The tattoo says "hope lives" in Greek. It reminds me that whatever is happening in my life, that the hope that lives in me will never die. This hope is what keeps me going. Our trip to Vegas wasn't too bad either. It is still referred to as THE Vegas trip.

10. As a teenager I dreamed of being 24. So here is to my 24th year. I have a feeling it is going to be a good one. :)

Jennifer's 23rd Bdaeg

On February 4, 2010, a (moisty) star was born. Jennifer Mariano is one of the greatest friends you can ever have. One of her best qualities is her ability to listen. When a decision needs to be made I go to her for honest, straightforward advice. Jennifer, if i ever go on a game show and I can call a friend for help, it would be you. Happy birthday dear friend.




Don't forget to follow her here, here, and here!

91 fwy

Oh 91 fwy, how I loathe you.
People seem to think that they deserve to be in the fast lane.
Why must you get upset when I pass you? Throwing fists up in the air, flashing your headlights and/or yelling obscenities. And don't pretend like you didn't- I can see you in my rear view mirror.

Kindly move to the next lane if I am going faster than you.
Yes, I understand that the speed limit is 65 mph but it is my choice to go faster, isn't it?

Slower traffic move to right. Thank you.