the big V debate.

I am pro-vaccine.


If you do not want to hear my opinions about this topic-- MOVE ON. Those unable to be open minded about this topic have no place here.

That being said, I have tried to see the other side of the conversation. Those who do not wish to use vaccines on themselves or their children. A close family member of mine has decided to not vaccinate her first child. I did not question her or ask why. But I do wonder why. We both work in the medical field as registered nurses. But I do not know what it is like to have my own child, or what it feels like to make decisions that will affect a life that is not my own-- a life that depends on the decisions I make for them early on.

The idea of not vaccinating my own kids never crossed my mind.
Then I hear that there is a measles outbreak that started in Disneyland.
I was in disbelief. I could not believe that vaccinations had become such a debate.

On my bus ride to work, the bus route makes its way through the University of Washington. On campus, there are new banners that read "WE>ME". We is greater than me. The community as a whole is more important than my life alone-- this is how I interpret it. For example, if there was a plane crash and the only way to survive was to take a raft and somehow find land. The problem is there are only 10 spaces on the raft but 12 people left. Who will those 2 people be? Who is willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of the other 10.

What surprises me the most is that those who are anti-vaccine are the most affluent among the communities. Their counterparts of lower socioeconomic status have a higher rate of vaccinations. How does this happen? Back in 2000, measles had been eradicated from the country thanks to vaccinations. ERADICATED. But now it is back, and it seems to be back with a vengeance.

The craziest thing is if the unvaccinated become sick with whatever ails them, they will seek medical attention. Medical attention that may require hospitalization. A hospitalization that could have possibly been prevented by a vaccine? Which is the greater evil? We as a community really ought to focus more on primary prevention.

I do not think I can talk about this topic anymore. It hurts me to think that there are kids dying in other countries from a disease that should not exist (Measles is only transmitted through humans. We are the problem!!!). Parents who choose anti-vaccine due to "personal beliefs". Parents in other countries who will walk miles to ensure their child's health because they have seen how fast measles can kill because with their country still developing, what are the chances of their child surviving with the lack of appropriate healthcare?


WE>ME

I realize that I may be watching too much of The Mindy Project. Today, Dennis pointed out that I was waving my finger in the air as I tried to make an argument about the life of nurses. Many people think being a nurse is glamorous. It's not. As a nurse, I am not trying to say that I dislike my job, because I do. But it can definitely be trying at times. Just like any other job it has its ups and downs but one thing for sure is that it is not glamorous. I want to clarify some common misconceptions. I do not get paid a lot of money. I do not know what people mean by "a lot of money" but when I tell people I am a nurse they automatically say, "Oh you must be rich then." WRONG. I am married to a nurse. We do not have any children or properties that can give us tax breaks. I make enough money that I find myself in a higher tax bracket and as a result, more money to the government. I am not just on the computer to be on the computer. I am actually doing work. A majority of my work is done on the computer. If I am not in your room, completing the tasks needed to be done throughout the shift, I am on the computer documenting said tasks. You may have heard nurses talk about charting and how they have to catch up on it. Story of my life. And don't even get me started when I am almost done with charting and somehow your computer shuts down. My line of work is not sad. There are many types of a nursing you can go into but I chose Pediatric Intensive Care. Whenever I share this information with strangers I feel like I gave them horrible news. Their faces get long and I hear "That must be really hard" or "Doesn't that make you sad?". It definitely takes a certain person to work in an intensive care. It can be incredibly stressful and more often than not, I go home worrying about things I may have missed. BUT, there is so much more good than bad. The kids persevere and they are such fighters. Nothing is more rewarding seeing a child being transferred to the more stable unit after needing such a high level of care. Go thank a nurse. Maybe hug a nurse. Show your appreciation.

expotition

Matthew 6:30-34

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Excerpt from The Message, Bible


There are times when I find myself taking a step back and reevaluating where life has taken me. What I can improve on, what is working and what is not doing so well. Since being on summer break I have realized that there is a reason, a very good reason, why God decided to rest as He made the universe.

Rest. The need to rest and relax. To fill your soul and heart with calm and peace and for once, take a break from the business of life. A time to retreat.

This one day of rest was what I lacked during the school year. Every day of the week something had to be done. Whether it was work or school, I could never fully retreat and just rest. By the end of the year I became a robot. Unhappy with life, unhappy with myself.

I have decided to take a break from school and take back what I need the most. My day of rest that God has graciously given to me, because He knew the importance and necessity of it. Screw my three year/five year plan. God will handle it.

freedom

I am currently in a standstill in my life.


And I'm hating every moment of it.
Wasn't this supposed to be MY year?


There are a lot of ifs and buts swarming my head. I have yet to grab some composure to sort it all out. I recently moved back home after realizing how much money was being thrown away. With all the work and school that consumed my life, having my own place did not seem financially sound. Since then I have been able to pay large sums of money each month with the hope of being debt free in three years. As of late not a day has gone by that I have not thought about moving out (again). There was something about living on my own that was incredibly satisfying. It may have cost about $750/month but knowing that I played by my own rules was worth it. It paid for my freedom.

It is eating me alive. I do not feel comfortable at "home". All I ever want to do is leave. If I am not at home I am in LA, staying away for as long as possible. But then there is this guilt that eats away at me for leaving my siblings by themselves. They try to reassure me that they are okay, that they are used to it; but why should anybody have to be used to that?

What am I doing with my life? How many more years will it be until I pursue medicine? Once accepted, then what? How will I be able to support myself as a full time student? When will I get married? Kids? Finish school? Pay off loans? I want to move. I don't want to move. I hate work. I love work. I don't ever want to go back to work.

I want out.

big baby

Every day so far of this week, I have cried. This week has actually been good! I finally got my first A in the whole quarter and am officially done with BIO 111-113 lab! One week from today I will be officially done with my first year of prerequisites.

Can you say, yay?

The crying, unfortunately, has come from watching reality tv shows. Specifically, tough love couples. The season has finally come to an end and it was at the end that each couple had to decide whether they would break up or get engaged. It was nice to see the couples grow and progress to (hopefully) engagement and a lifetime together. Hearing the promises and seeing how much each couple had grown made me cry like a little baby. In my defense, they were tears of joy! I am sure glad the season is over for now, but I cannot wait for the next season to come. I guess I will be saving my tears for next time.

VH1: Tough love couples Do it to it.

alone again.

light at the end of the tunnel

I previously posted of how chemistry had become much too difficult and a withdrawal from the class was in pursuit. However, as of recent events, that has changed. In speaking with the professor about my current situation, he refused to provide his signature until I spent one more day to contemplate my decision. I think I spent a good half an hour arguing my position but in the end my professor had won.

The first biology test of the quarter was returned to the students today. After lab, I proceeded to speak to my professor about my poorly done exam. He asked what happened. I hate giving excuses. Life will always be there to throw you lemons and you just have to make do with them. I explained how I was sick the week before the exam and fell behind in everything. I felt convinced that he was going to tell me to drop. To my surprise, he also told me to continue but to keep in touch with him.

Today I wanted to cry tears of joy. It seems like everyone else believes in me except myself. What happened? It is the end of the road and I am exhausted. But now I must prove to myself and my professors that I can do it! Half of the quarter is left!

When all seems lost, I always seem to find a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Praise God! Thank you to the professors who haven't lost hope in their students, even when they feel that there is nothing left to do. Thank you to my friends who continually support me as I struggle to complete the first year of many. You are the reasons why I persevere.